Are you always juggling a million things, trying to hit every goal at work or in your personal life? Feeling trapped in the hamster wheel of perpetual achievement? Conditioned to push harder, reach higher, and never settle? Still feel that you're not quite cutting it?
Sound familiar?
It's a common story among people like you - highly productive seasoned professionals, business owners, leaders and experts in the field.
Let’s be honest, it’s exhausting.
But when was the last time you paused and asked yourself—at what cost is my pursuit of success?
In today's chat, we're going to dive into why that feeling is more common than you think, especially among high achievers. More importantly, we're going to look at how to kick those thoughts to the curb and redefine what success really means.
Here’s what to expect in today’s blog:
- Dig deeper into the illusion of the “more” mentality
- Reassess your metrics of success
- Learn strategies for self-compassion in a success driven world
- Craft your own definition of success
The Illusion of a "More" Mentality
When it comes to success, the "more" mentality is subtly insidious. It promises fulfillment but often delivers only more desire for... well, more. Psychology Today discusses the perilous journey of chasing after an elusive sense of completion through constant doing and accumulating. It's a poignant reminder that the chase itself can be our downfall.
An early client of mine was "Michael", a local small business owner running a successful lawncare company. He was the epitome of a high achiever, very demanding of himself, always pushing forward to meet his goals. This business was passed down to him by his father, someone who meant the world to Michael, but also raised the bar so high that Michael felt immense pressure to succeed. Although his business was indeed very successful, it was no surprise to learn that his marriage was suffering. He was on the hamster wheel of a twisted definition of success. Now he wanted my help in repairing his marriage. Michael was the embodiment of success by any conventional standard. Yet, his accomplishments felt hollow because his personal life was crumbling in the process. Achieving "more" was exhausting and he was paying a heavy price for it.
Reassessing Our Metrics for Success
Success, as we've defined it socially and culturally, tends to skew towards the tangible—titles, wealth, accolades. But there's a growing conversation among thought leaders to shift our perspective.
Arianna Huffington, in her book "Thrive," argues for a third metric of success that goes beyond money and power—to include well-being, wisdom, and our ability to wonder and give back. It's a call to action to redefine what it means to live a successful life.
Stories of Redefinition
Let's take a page from the life of another client, “Janet”. Janet was at the top of her game, well respected in her field. But in our sessions, she shared that she always felt this nagging sense that she never quite measured up.
We got to chatting about what really got her out of bed in the morning and made her feel accomplished at the end of the day. It was so fulfilling to listen to her come to the realization that it was not the paycheck. It was people. Her crew at work, the people she could mentor, and the community that she really wanted to support.
So, we came up with a new game plan to focus more on the things that made her really feel successful. She committed to stop over focusing on the sales numbers and more on helping her team thrive and making a real difference out there in the real world (a courageous act). She kicked off some new team projects and started sharing her professional skills with local charities. That feeling of "I'm not enough" started to fade away.
It was a shift from a profit-only focus to a more holistic view of her professional life. This wasn't a quick fix – but it was a major source of satisfaction for Janet. I saw a marked increase in her sense of self-compassion and can even say that she seemed to like herself much more after this shift.
Strategies for Self-Compassion in a Success-Driven World
In a lifestyle of constant pushing toward success, self-compassion can feel alien to a high achiever. It's often mistakenly equated with self-indulgence or complacency. Yet, it's a crucial component for sustainable success. Tools like the Self-Compassion Scale developed by Dr. Kristin Neff, can be instrumental in understanding how to treat yourself in times of difficulty.
This tool isn’t just a questionnaire—it's a mirror showing you how to respond to your hiccups and hurdles.
Do you treat yourself like a drill sergeant with zero tolerance for error? Or do you offer yourself the same kindness and understanding you'd give a trusted friend?
Think about self-compassion as your inner support system, like a wise mentor who sees beyond the spreadsheets and deadlines.
Self-compassion also means being the boss of your boundaries. It's about fiercely guarding your time and energy, choosing where to invest yourself rather than scattering your efforts to the wind.
It’s about embracing the power of a two-letter word: NO.
No to that extra project that will have you burning the midnight oil for the umpteenth time. No to the social commitment that feels more draining than enriching. And especially no to that nagging voice insisting you haven't done enough.
It's this balance, this blend of self-awareness and boundary-setting, that transforms self-compassion from a nice-to-have into a must-have for anyone who's serious about achieving their goals without sacrificing their soul on the altar of success.
Wholehearted Living: You're Not Just Your Achievements
This shift in redefining success ultimately leads you to what author Brene Brown of Gifts of Imperfection called wholehearted living. This means valuing yourself beyond your professional identity.
It means cultivating the courage, compassion and connection to wake up in the morning and think, ‘No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough.’ It’s going to bed at night thinking, ‘Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.” It's understanding that dropping the ball doesn't define your worth.
For those seeking wisdom from other top achievers, consider the words of Indra Nooyi, former CEO of PepsiCo, who discusses the importance of work-life balance and the acceptance of imperfection in her interviews and writings. Her advice, featured in Fortune Magazine, centers on giving oneself the grace to accept that not every day will be perfectly balanced—and that's okay.
Crafting Your Own Definition of Success
It’s time to take a step back and question the relentless grind. What would your life look like if you measured success not by the quantity of your output but by the quality of your daily experiences?
As you step into the coming week, I challenge you to consider what success truly means to you. And perhaps, in this reevaluation, you'll find the space to breathe a little easier, to appreciate the moments of calm, and to celebrate the everyday joys that make life rich beyond the accolades.
It's not about lowering the bar; it's about realizing that the bar we've set for ourselves may be at the wrong height. Let's find the right one together.
Food for Thought This Week:
- What's one small victory you’re celebrating this week?
- How do you redefine success in your everyday life?
- What’s your favorite way to unwind after a busy day or week?
Think of other ways to shape a new definition of success? Let’s chat in the comments below. 🌟
How about a Share?
Experiencing any of the traps laid out in this blog? Why not share with a friend and give them the gift of your support. Click below to share to your fav social site (or email the link) and then comment below to let me know and I'll send you a special gift!
