Who do you think exudes more confidence: men or women?
Do you imagine a self-assured, outspoken man dominating a meeting, or do you visualize a strong, assertive woman fearlessly leading her team to success? If you were to paint a picture of 'confidence', what would it look like?
In reality, this isn't a straightforward 'either-or' scenario. Confidence is a spectrum and manifests differently in everyone, but statistically, there are fascinating trends that suggest a disparity between the genders.
There is a well-documented disparity between the confidence levels of men and women, often referred to as the "confidence gap."
This is important, because confidence plays a crucial role in taking risks, pursuing opportunities, and achieving success. These differences, if true, have significant implications for personal and professional growth.
In today's blog I want to:
- explore the confidence gap between the sexes
- share 5 specific examples of how that gap shows up in life
- get you thinking about how low confidence levels have held you back and what to do.
- offer 5 strategies to help both men and women build authentic self-confidence.
My confidence story
As a female who spent much of her corporate career in the male dominated environment of the military-industrial complex, I had a rocky path and many years to transform from insecure to confident in my abilities.
I remember early in my career, when it was important to me to earn the respect of my peers, I constantly felt that I had to prove myself as a woman in this industry.
I worked hard to learn my trade and had great ideas. Or at least I thought.
But whenever I stepped into a meeting room full of men, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being judged and underestimated. I'd second-guess myself, often hesitating to speak up or share my thoughts. When I did speak up, I rarely got validation from the men in the room, suppressing my confidence even further.
Honestly, it often felt humiliating and defeating.
This lack of confidence held me back from seizing opportunities and fully realizing my potential. It took a lot of reflection, self-awareness, and determination to overcome those insecurities and build my self-confidence.
Fortunately, I was taken under the wings of a boss (male) who gave me a voice and opportunity and that is what made the difference. I learned to embrace my unique strengths and perspectives as a woman, and gradually, I found the courage to assert myself and make my voice heard in those meetings.
Without an advocate who helped pave the way for me, I don't know how I might have reached the same place of confidence on my own.
The confidence gap between the sexes
Despite the evolution of women's rights and opportunity, when it comes to our confidence levels, we seem to pull back when in the midst of male counterparts.
Research has shown that, on average, women tend to underestimate their abilities, whereas men are more likely to overestimate theirs. This is part of the phenomenon called "the confidence gap".
One influential book that has explored this confidence gap phenomenon is "The Confidence Code" by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman.
The authors delve into the science behind confidence and the art of self-assurance and its impact on our lives, specifically for women. Their studies indicated that women's confidence levels tend to be lower than men's for various reasons, including societal expectations, upbringing, and even biology.
Because I believe strongly in self-empowerment, I'm not one to easily defer to family history or even genetics to prevent me from taking charge of my life. But it's hard not to see the intriguing connections Kay and Shipman make in their book to illustrate the effect of environmental conditioning and biological predisposition on women's confidence levels.
In my work I've found some examples to share today of how those differences play out.
Here are 5 examples of situations where confidence levels show up differently between men and women.
1. Public Speaking
Imagine a scenario where both a man and a woman are asked to give a presentation at work.
The woman might be more likely to feel self-conscious about her abilities, worrying about whether she's knowledgeable enough or if she'll make a mistake. This can lead to over-preparation and excessive self-criticism.
On the other hand, the man may feel more naturally confident in his abilities, focusing on the content of his presentation and not worrying as much about the possibility of making a mistake. As a result, he may come across as more assertive and self-assured during the presentation.
2. Negotiating a raise
When it comes to negotiating a raise, studies have shown that women are less likely to ask for one compared to men.
A woman might feel hesitant to bring up the topic, worrying about coming across as pushy or greedy. She might also doubt her own worth and the value she brings to the company, despite her accomplishments.
On the contrary, a man might approach the situation with more confidence, believing in his worth and not hesitating to ask for a raise. As a result, he might be more successful in getting the raise he desires.
3. Risk taking behaviors
Studies show that men are often more willing to take risks compared to women.
For instance, a study by the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that men were more likely to take risks in situations related to financial decisions, recreational activities, and social decisions.
The confidence gap can explain this difference, as confidence can influence a person's willingness to step out of their comfort zone and take on risks.
4. Job applications
There is a commonly quoted statistic that men will apply for a job when they meet 60% of the qualifications, but women will only apply if they meet 100% of them.
This statistic comes from a report by Hewlett Packard and was popularized by the book "The Confidence Code" by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman.
This is a strong example of how the confidence gap can influence career progression and opportunities.
5. Leadership roles
A global study by Pew Research Center found that women are underrepresented in political and business leadership roles worldwide, despite the fact that most respondents believed women are just as capable of being good leaders as men.
This underrepresentation could be partially due to the confidence gap. Many women don't see themselves as leaders, and this lack of confidence can prevent them from seeking leadership roles.
We can rewire our brains and with it our confidence levels
Each of these examples provides evidence of the confidence gap and its wide-reaching effects on various aspects of life.
The good news is that science is proving that all of us can rewire our brains, even as adults, change our thinking and develop new confidence habits.
While there are inherent differences in how men and women experience and express confidence, it is essential to recognize that both genders can work on building authentic self-confidence.
Here are a few strategies that can help:
5 Strategies for building self-confidence
1. Recognize and challenge limiting beliefs
Be aware of any negative thoughts or beliefs that may be holding you back, and actively work to challenge and reframe them. Awareness is more than half the battle of change.
2. Focus on your strengths
Embrace your unique abilities and talents, and use them as a foundation for building confidence. Celebrate these features about yourself and use them to your advantage.
3. Practice self-compassion
Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially during moments of self-doubt or failure. Beating yourself up or slipping into an abyss of negative emotions will keep you stuck and sabotage your potential.
4. Take risks
Push yourself outside your comfort zone and take on new challenges to build confidence through experience. Confidence only shows up when YOU show up and dare to try something new or different. It waits for you on the other side of fear.
5. Surround yourself with positive influences
Seek out supportive friends, mentors, and role models who encourage your growth and success. Like my mentor, there are allies out there that can help you improve your belief in self and give you a helping hand. Who are those people and where can you find them?
Let's bridge the confidence gap
As we work to bridge the confidence gap, I believe that the goal should not be to make men and women the same but to empower each person to embrace their unique strengths, overcome their challenges, and achieve their version of success. By doing so, we will create a world where confidence abounds, opportunities are seized, and growth is limitless.
So, whether you are a man striving to be more empathetic and open or a woman working to assert herself in high-pressure situations, remember that building confidence is a lifelong journey.
It takes patience, practice, and perseverance.
Keep pushing forward, and you'll find that your authentic self-confidence will shine brighter than ever before.
Ready to Create Unshakeable Confidence?
By implementing these energizing tips into your daily life, you'll cultivate a stronger sense of self-confidence, empowering you to overcome obstacles, learn from your experiences, and ultimately, achieve your full potential.
Get on the wait list for the upcoming "Rise and Shine Collective", an online monthly membership community for innovative and creative entrepreneurs where you will learn high-impact resilience strategies and confidence techniques, saving years of struggle and empowering you to face any challenge head-on."
Remember… you are a powerful, radiant being, capable of achieving your wildest dreams. It's time to silence that nagging voice of doubt, embrace your unique strengths, and unleash your true potential.
No matter the challenges you face, remember that you have the power within you to bounce back and reach your full potential.
Unleash Your Potential: Transform Adversity, Rise Stronger, Shine Brighter!
Ready to Unleash Your Full Potential with 10 New Breakthrough Beliefs?
Get the FREE Guide and Get Started Today!
